Ok ok...here it is. While everyone else is running around terrified of the dreaded swine flu, I've been concerned with more pressing matters. Namely, the atrocious clothing of the young people of Edmonton. "Hey BITCH", you loudly yell at my blog "I dont care what you think, school is for learning not for looking like a stylista!" You are correct that the University is a learning environment, but that is no excuse for looking like a total schlep.
Here is a tentative list of fashion crimes thou shalt not commit if thee wishes to stay my friend;
1. Full makeup and hair (typically stiff with spray gel) combined with velour track suit and garish crucifix endornments...heinous
2. People who wear lu lu lemon pants ALL THE TIME yet have never worked out a day in their life... you cant put 10 lbs of sugar in a 5 lb bag. need i say more?
3. girls that are unable to walk in the heels they wear. I truly adore watching you awkwardly slide down hub mall with a look of sheer terror on your face. A cute pair of flats are much more practical, not to mention you wont need to constantly worry that your daddy's insurance wont cover the caps for your front teeth you are going to smash out falling down all because of those cheap looking pleather stilts you got at Spring/Stiches etc
4. Uggs are only allowed in January when its hideously cold and its the only thing warm enough. They dont look cute paired with a jean skirt and big hoop earrngs, give it up....that was cool for like a second 5 years ago. they just look like baked potatoes on your feet.
5. Dont dress like a whore (grant macewan transfers (ie those with 4 inches of foundation on and bump it strategically placed on hair), you know who you are). This includes belly baring tops, low cut jeans cutting off your hip meat and horrendously short skirts in the midst of winter...ever heard of opaque tights?
6. Ed Hardy ANYTHING. As I swallow back the chunks and spew rising up in my esophagus I beg you, dont do it! Those garish diamante encrusted tiger jumping through a flame into a skull were never chic or cool.